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It's the pictures.
They get me every time.
Today it was me and the girls.
A memory from 2018.
We were at turtle park.
I had the girls on the weekend while you worked sometimes.
Everybody making a funny face.
Only thing missing was you.
The boy hadn't come along yet.
But we all were together.
All the time.
I remember when I told you I loved you by accident.
Funny thing about that morning is I gave myself a pep talk.
I remember the butterflies.
I knew I loved you but I didn't exactly know how you felt.
Or how to tell you how I felt.
My mom called and I had to go do something at the office.
I said my farewell and out the door I went.
You texted me.
Shocked.
Oh when you told me I said it my soul froze.
I was scared.
Didn't know how you would react.
The fact that you wanted clarity and you didn't run away should've said everything I needed to know.
My sweets then.
My lover next.
My mami.
We were supposed to last.
We were supposed to be it.
I was supposed to stay.
I ran away from you when I should've been as close as I could've gotten.
I'm so sorry.
The damage....
I wanted to say more on your birthday but I didn't think it would be a good idea.
It's your day after all.
I didn't want to spoil it.
I wanted you to have a good birthday.
I want so badly to fill you with warmth again.
I want to feel your warmth.
I miss you. Real real bad.
But these days all I do is upset you.
You probably think I'm a monster.
I feel like one. Most days.
So I just sit in the corner.
They get me every time.
Today it was me and the girls.
A memory from 2018.
We were at turtle park.
I had the girls on the weekend while you worked sometimes.
Everybody making a funny face.
Only thing missing was you.
The boy hadn't come along yet.
But we all were together.
All the time.
I remember when I told you I loved you by accident.
Funny thing about that morning is I gave myself a pep talk.
I remember the butterflies.
I knew I loved you but I didn't exactly know how you felt.
Or how to tell you how I felt.
My mom called and I had to go do something at the office.
I said my farewell and out the door I went.
You texted me.
Shocked.
Oh when you told me I said it my soul froze.
I was scared.
Didn't know how you would react.
The fact that you wanted clarity and you didn't run away should've said everything I needed to know.
My sweets then.
My lover next.
My mami.
We were supposed to last.
We were supposed to be it.
I was supposed to stay.
I ran away from you when I should've been as close as I could've gotten.
I'm so sorry.
The damage....
I wanted to say more on your birthday but I didn't think it would be a good idea.
It's your day after all.
I didn't want to spoil it.
I wanted you to have a good birthday.
I want so badly to fill you with warmth again.
I want to feel your warmth.
I miss you. Real real bad.
But these days all I do is upset you.
You probably think I'm a monster.
I feel like one. Most days.
So I just sit in the corner.
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